Well, it's okay now that I'm eating it. Thai hot would have been bad, but hot doesn't affect this raw spot on the roof of my mouth.

Probably shouldn't have ordered hot at Tuptim Thai, now that I think about it. Oh well.

It is better to have loved and lost than to never have played tennis at all.

Ssssssssssspaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaace!

How dose peeple get two say our agnets r wrong if tey cant even spel dosent rite? Learn to spell.

I was told at work today that I'm funny because I'm random. I just kept walking by, then I laughed a little, smiled, and said, "Bullfrogs."

No, no, this is too good. http://ping.fm/63Zay

Reality TV is the perfect antidote to people who don't have enough egocentric idiots in their life.

Oooooh. Because G+ just makes them HTML5, not Flash. Pre+ and G+. Better together. (Send royalties for that tagline to my bank account.)

Okay, that's the weirdest thing I've ever seen. It looks funky, but YouTube works in-browser on my Pre Plus when it's on G+. I'm on 1.4.5.

brains...brains...brains...

I can neither confirm nor deny hamburgers I did not eat.

My cat is clumsy. She just jumped onto my bed and planted her face into the back of my outstretched hand, then jumped back off.

Cast your vote in the webOS petition! http://ping.fm/7adXJ

Adam: I'm like a bipedal fiddler crab. Me: Um, I'm going to have to post that.

|=
It's a Cylon.

Yay for killing skeletons en masse!

For all Incans and porpoises, this makes no sense.

For all incense and purses, this is a bad pun.

The bureaucracy strikes again!

"Let me put it this way..." "I don't exactly think I have to let you. It sounds like you're going to put it that way anyway."

Hey, you wanna go to Aldi's? Wal-Mart's? How about Qdoba's?

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? I mean really. Who does that?

My cat just tried to eat my TouchPad. It came out unscathed.

Who wants a belly rub?!

My milk's melting.

I am reusable.

Anybody ever had starfruit raw? I'm buying one for $4, so it better be good!

I hate that moment when you see a really cute girl, but she speaks and sounds like Frog from Little Rascals.

Hey, Gregory. Hitler called. He wants his ego back.

Whoa. Gamers succeeded where computers failed. Via Yahoo! http://ping.fm/mwb8T

Holy crap! $130 for a plastic bucket that holds antifreeze?! Junkyards, here I come.

It's the dildozer!

1 + 1 = 10

Ambiguous is a pretty big word for a cucumber.

1 + 1 = 1.4142135623730951²

http://ping.fm/nTAJ8 This is hilarious, and spot on. Watch the whole series!

It's gots what plants want! It's gots electrolytes!

Dear summer,

Did you get my last letter? Yeah, I'm counting.

Sincerely,
I'm not ready for fall.

Dear summer,

I still have 5 days left with you. I better get them, or else I want my money back.

Sincerely,
It's cold in KS.

OMG OMG OMG! Updating to 1.8! So excited!

"Shawn, why did you just buy that Iwig milk?" Hello again, conscience. Because I wanted it. "Don't you feel guilty?" No. *buys two more*

I want Iwig chocolate milk. "No you don't." Oh, hi, conscience. I didn't see you there. "You don't want the calories." I'm still getting it.

Just had a guy at Qdoba ask me about my TouchPad. He wanted to get one, but he was too late. If only...

Oh no, it's Upgrayyedd!

At least dumb people are prolific. That way when one kid gets flattened by a car because the parents weren't watching, they have 5 left!

Two-year-old at El Mez is screaming, "Gonna get you, faggot!" His mom and aunt are just laughing every time.

OMG! I just realized we only have 52 more years before Zephram Cochrane makes his first warp flight! That means only 19 until he's born!

The Borg: definitely not Swedish.

Alright, who broke the carpet?!

Benadryl, do your thing.

Yay for Star Trek: First Contact!

Okay, this Benadryl is supposed to be the sleepy kind, but so far, I don't feel slzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

I'll be upoading some soon.

I got some awesome hot air balloon shots tonight. Well, I think they're awesome, anyway, but they're my first ever balloon shots.

I want to install a plugin on my toaster that lets it interface with my refrigerator and microwave. Instant breakfast!

Ugh, I hate the media in the US. Get bent! Oh wait, you already are.

Whoa, pet food you have to refrigerate. Looks cool.

I came to HyVee to get food for me. The first thing I'm getting is cat food.

"I don't eat red meat." "But I cooked it. It's brown now." *facepalm*

You know you play too much Minecraft when you stay as far away from obsidian as possible for fear you might make a real Nether portal.

You know you play too much Minecraft when you see a hot air balloon and think it's a ghast.

You know you play too much Minecraft when you see a pig and ask, "Where's a saddle when you need one?"

You know you play too much Minecraft when you see an apple tree and exclaim, "Wait! That's not implemented yet!"

You know you play too much Minecraft when you keep looking behind you to make sure there's not a creeper following you.

You know you play too much Minecraft when you see a structure with curves in it and think, "Whoa! How'd they do that?!"

You know you play too much Minecraft when someone asks you to chop down a tree and you start punching it.

Woman ordering: Ah'd lahk uh lawrge cheery cohke uh lawrge taytrr tawt and uh baycuhn borreetoh.
Drawls are funny.

My $19.99 sunglasses are now chipped right in front on my right eye. My Dollar Tree glasses are in perfect condition. Less is more.

Oh my word! It's cool today! And it smells like gummi bears fo some reason.

Well, this will be different.

If I want to post something that only Blogger, Tumblr, and WordPress should see, I'll use this list. Why am I still character-limited?

Does it show?

I didn't notice at first, but apparently that clam chowder burned my when it exploded. Now I'm feeling it.

My clam chowder just exploded all over me and my kitchen walls. It's okay though: I've always wanted chowdered walls.

I feel another blog post coming on.

Okay, this should fix it.

I just blew my nose really hard. Ooh! Pretty lights!

That, madam, is the kind of brazen effrontery up with which we will not put.

Guy next to me at Sonic is playing a Star Wars audio book loudly on his car stereo. I've never heard such a bad Yoda voice.

Adenosine claims me. Goodnight.

"Why don't you drink pop any more, Shawn?"
"Because of the calories," says Shawn as he drinks his chocolate whole milk.

It's 11:30 AM. Do you know where your crocodile is?